woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
