Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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