He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
