I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
