I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
