i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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