i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Randomize
