Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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