Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
