eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
