We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
