when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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