There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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