i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
