So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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