hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
