if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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