all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
