you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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