I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
