Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
