I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
