Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
