I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
