Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
