jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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