Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
