Someone shit on the floor
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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