The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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