Soap is not a condiment
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
