I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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