I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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