Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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