Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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