The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
