words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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