HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the condom got lost in my hair
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
