Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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