So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
