Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
