I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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