living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
