im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
