turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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