It's like God shit irony all over that family
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
