He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
