we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
