Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
