this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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