Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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