dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This is my gift to your gina
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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