Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
